So yesterday was an interesting day. Nothing spectacular happened but it was just a usual Sunday besides it being rather gloomy outside.The interesting thing that happened is I had a realization. I wouldn't say a realization is the right word but I guess you could say a grievance. My good friend was ratted out by one of his roommates for drinking decaf coffee to his Bishop. Yes drinking coffee is against our beliefs and against the honor code since we attend a Church school. The thing that irks me is, his roommate did not have the courage to go talk to him himself but instead went behind is back and went straight to the Bishop. The Bishop threatened to go to the Honor Code office and turn him in without trying to work it out. My friend is a good kid but does have a past. Is he ashamed of it, no because it’s who he is. Has he grown from his mistakes, you bet he has.
Sometimes members of the church can be so judgmental and are afraid of conflict. They would much rather go to someone else to tattle on them instead of going to the person and talking to them. How is that being Christ like? At least attempt to try and talk to the person who may be struggling with something. If that doesn’t work then you may go to someone else and see if they can help out.
This situation reminds me exactly of what happened to me back in the spring time. Sometime last May my father got a phone call from the Honor Code Office (HCO for future reference) looking for me. My father then calls me and asks me if I’m in trouble and if I did anything wrong. I had no clue to what he was talking about. He tells me someone from the Honor Code office called and was looking for me. I ended up calling HCO back and seeing what they wanted. They said that I needed to come in and talk to an advisor. I asked them what for, and the lady said she couldn’t tell me why. At least point I was starting to panic. I had just turned in a paper the previous day and I was worried that somehow I was caught plagiarizing my paper. To my knowledge I hadn’t plagiarized and cited all my sources. I was stressed out as to why I needed to go to the H.C.O. My roommate then called me and asked me if I got a call from the HCO. At this point my two other roommates started to worry as to what we did. We all went to the HCO together cause our appointments were right after each other. When I got into the advisors office he said that they got reports that we were having girls over when nobody else was home, that we were watching rated R movies and that we were out past curfew consistently. Needless to say, I was very upset to be accused of these things. Yes, I did have Kylee over when nobody else was home because well there was only 3 of us in the apartment. But I always had the front door open and people walked by our apartment all the time. The advisor and I got into it a bit because I disagreed with him because he was trying to be holier than me. For instance, he brought up watching R rated movies and I told him I had a couple of classic movies that were rated R. He said that I should just either throw them away or send them home. Anyways point of the story is, we had a roommate that lived with us then decided to move out and he’s the one that ratted us out. He didn't talk to us first.
My thing is if you have an issue with how I am acting come to me first and tell me. I may be upset at first but I am understanding and willing to work with you. But if you go behind me back then my respect for you decreases tremendously. At that point, it will be harder for you to talk to me. In general I am a very nice guy unless you do something stupid to make me angry. Those of you that know me know that I don’t get angry very easily that it takes a lot to make me mad at a person. So once I was done meeting with the HCO I was fuming. So lesson from this is, have courage and talk to the person that you have issues with. YES, it will take courage but they may have more respect for you if you come to them first than going behind their back. I know I will.
So we’ll see what happens to my good friend but when he told me this it got me thinking. It got me thinking that I am grateful that I am married. Sorry to those of you who aren’t married, your time will come. I no longer have to worry about roommates who might tattle on me. I have my wife who understands me and supports me. I still have a curfew because it’s in the Honor Code but I don’t have roommates who will lock the door on me if I’m late, or rat on me to the Bishop or the HCO. I no longer have clean checks weekly or bi-weekly. I can have a female over to my apartment when I’m home, don’t worry it’s my wife. Marriage life is much better in general. You still have stress in your life, but it’s a different kind of stress than when you’re single. School is much more enjoyable now than it was before.
Change of subject. Another thing that my mind wandered to today was the taboo subject of sex. Why is sex such a tabooed thing within the Church. Yes, people shouldn’t have sex before they’re married but that doesn’t mean we can’t talk about it. Why can’t we talk about the joys of sex within the confines of marriage? Sex is such a wonderful thing when done properly. It can bring a couple closer together. They have the ability to pro-create. Now Kylee may not agree with me sharing this (I’ll deal with the repercussions later), but to nobody’s surprise her and I do have sex. We enjoy having sex. Don’t worry I’m not going to share all the details or how often we do it nor will I ever. That is our own personal business but we do have sex. I feel tabooing sex does more harm than good for the youth. Yes, sex will always be something that people struggle with. I feel that if we talk about sex more and not taboo it, then it may become less of a struggle. People won’t get all awkward as soon as the topic of sex is brought up. That is just my opinion and you may disagree but that is what is awesome about this life. We can all have our own opinions.
Another taboo subject within the church is people who struggle with Same Sex Attraction (SSA). Now I will be the first to say I don’t fully understand it. I do support the Prophet and the Apostles in their teachings as being called of God. It's great that the church recently came out with a website that deals with the subject. If you haven't visited the website I suggest you do http://www.mormonsandgays.org/. I recently came across a blog that is written by a gay member. He has struggled with SSA for multiple years. When I found his blog, I spent about two hours just reading through his posts. I learned a lot just from his blog. I have gained a little bit of knowledge from his posts. Why is it that we has members outcast people that suffer from SSA. Aren’t they still our family? Aren’t we taught to hate the sin but love the sinner? Before reading this post I thought SSA was a choice that people could help it. But after reading it my view has changed. I don’t think it’s a choice per-say but a challenge given by God. I do however believe how a person chooses to act is a choice. They can choice to participate or not. Like I can choose to look at pornography or not even though it may be a struggle in my life.
I want to thank David Peterson for opening my mind and teaching me a few things. If you want to learn more about SSA or know what it is like for an active member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints who struggles with SSA, you can visit (Gay) Mormon Guy. I have permission to use David’s name and attach the website because he wants to help others understand people that struggle with SSA. He is a good writer and has some powerful posts and insights.
I know this is a long post. I have been meeting to write a post recently but haven’t gotten to it. Today was just one of those days where things that happened just push you to write. Hopefully I didn’t bore you too much. Also I hope that your view of me hasn’t changed too much, but if it has I’m not going to worry about it too much. There are far greater things to worry about in life; such as what am I going to eat for breakfast? Just kidding about the breakfast but in all seriousness there are such as am I doing my best to please God? So lesson of this post is Have Courage. Have the courage to: confront people when a conflict arises, talk about sex properly, and support others in their struggles.
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